Road to California
by JStormTrooper
Summary: After a terrorist attack, Brian and Stewie find themselves in California, starring in a movie, which turns out to be a film adaption of Brian's novel.
1. Chapter 1

*Road to… credits appear*

**Road To California**

"Twas the night of the Super Bowl, and all through town, the Patriots were losing, which made Peter frown." a narrator said in a smooth voice.

"Shut up I'm watching the game!" Peter screamed, off-screen. "And your rhyming sucks!"

"Peter, why are you always such a dick?" the narrator replied.

(The scene cuts to inside of the Griffins home)

Peter is sitting down, holding a beer. Next to him are Brian and Stewie, also watching the game. It hasn't been a very good night for the Patriots, they've been losing 10, 0.

"See how the man with the football runs, Stewie?" Peter asked, trying to bond with his son. "He's gonna make a touchdown!"

The Patriot player, with the football is suddenly tackled by 5 Giants players. Full of anger, Peter turned and punched Stewie in the face.

"For God's sake, hold the ****ing ball!" Peter yelled in anger. "Come on Patriots, come on!"

As Peter talked to himself, believing that the Patriots would make a good play, a player for the Giants makes a swift interception and catches the ball. After watching what has happened in front of him, Peter sat, staring at the screen, motionless.

Meg could not have walked into the living room at any worse of a time.

"Hey dad, I just heard that the empire state building was destroyed!" Meg screamed, with terror.

Peter punches Meg in the face, and then stares at the screen with anger.

"Go to your room!" Peter said, grinding his teeth.

The TV screen, full of football players was suddenly switched to a screen which featured Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney.

"We interrupt this fixed and barbaric sport for breaking news." Tom Tucker said in full seriousness. "The Empire state building has collapsed, killing thousands of people."

"Oh my god!" Brian said in shock.

"I told you assholes!" Meg said muffled, still facing the floor.

"We have linked the attacks to a new terrorist group which is being led by Osama Bin Laden." Tucker continued. "Several of the terrorist are planning another attack, but we are not sure what they will do, or where they will do them."

"This just in, we've captured men allegedly associated with this act of terrorism." Joyce Kinney started. "Their names are Bin Laden, Bin Laid, Bin Bombing, Bin Hiding and Bin Barack. But we are still on the lookout for Hamper Bin and his crew."

"Dangerous men." Tom Tucker added. "We will be cutting off the town's electricity and water, to meet the demands of power needed for the investigation of the missing suspects."

As Tom Tucker said that, the TV returned to the Patriots game. Tom Brady had the ball and he darted for the touchdown. As he approached the touchdown, the TV shut off.

"F*ck, F*ck, F*ck!" Peter screamed.

Lois came running down the stairs, followed by Chris.

"Peter, did you hear that, we need to get down to the basement right now!" Lois shouted.

The entire Griffin family ran to the lower floor of the Griffin's house.

"Mom, are we gonna die?" asked Chris.

"I don't know honey, I don't know." Lois rambled.

"If these crazed people are still on the loose, bombing random spots in the U.S., we're no safer in the house, than in New York." Brian protested.

"Well where do you expect us to go?" Lois asked.

"Hey Brian, follow me." Stewie said as he ran down the hallway of the basement.

"Stewie…no!" Brian shouted after him.

Brian ran after Stewie, down the basement into a small room with a metal door.

"What is this?" Brian asked, astonished.

Stewie opened the door and revealed a series of passages and tunnels.

"What do you think I do all day Brian, play with my blocks and poop in my pants, no I take action." Stewie proudly stated.

"What do they led to?" Brian asked in awe.

"Every single area in the world." Stewie said

"That's impossible, you're an infant and this would take thousands of years to do and millions of people." Brian said doubtedly.

"That's just it Brian, I simply made clones of myself to do the work for me, billions of them, all digging tunnels night and day." Stewie responded.

"Well how doesn't anybody find out about these tunnels or the Stewie clones?" Brian asked.

"I've only started in the past month and the tunels don't led directly in someone's home or some random buildings floor" Stewie sharply replied. "They are well hidden somewhere outside of said place and the Stewie clones go on to live life freely when they've finished building 38 tunnels each"

"Where do they go?" Brian continued.

"Most of them sell themselves as either footballs or real baby toys, others go to Herbert's house as a gift from me." Stewie said with a smirk.

"Can we see some of the destinations that you've created?" Brian asked, open-eyed.

"Why not, we've got at least 5 more chapters to kill." Stewie chuckled.

Stewie and Brian walked down one of the dark tunnels, with the metal door closing behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Stewie and Brian walked down the dark pathway which seemed to go on forever.

"Our first stop, Quagmire's house" Stewie proclaimed.

Stewie and Brian walked down the passageway, and ran up a couple of stairs. Stewie then lifted up the ceiling to the tunnel and revealed it to be a small part of Quagmire's lawn.

Stewie and Brian ran up to Quagmire's window and watched. They saw a white splatter on the window of the house.

"Giggity" Quagmire shrieked.

Stewie and Brian screamed as they ran back down towards the tunnel.

"What the hell is their problem" Quagmire exclaimed in confusion. "I was just opening this jar of mayonnaise"

Quagmire then looked around and took a long pause. He took a glob of the mayonnaise and smothered it on his crotch.

"Ohhhh f*ck yeah" he sighed with pleasure

Back in the tunnels, Brian and Stewie walked calmly.

"Stewie, we should really get back home, everyone is probably worried over us" Brian said.

"Brian, there is one spot where I know that the terrorists won't attack, California" Stewie explained "That's where movies come from, and everyone knows that terrorists love movies"

The scene cuts away to an Arab man with a long black beard and a turban sitting down on a couch.

"We now return to Grown Ups" A TV announcer spoke.

"I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That's a lot of coloring when you think about it."

The Arab starts laughing at the obviously horrible joke.

"Oh my God, that Adam Sandler, what a funny guy" the Arab giggled

"Hey guys, I am a Jew" Adam Sandler joked, struggling to find funny material.

"OSAMA" the Arab man screamed.

The scene cuts back to Stewie and Brian walking down a longer, wider tunnel. Many Stewie clones are digging tunnels and holding clip boards.

"Hey Stewie 534, how's work been today" Stewie asked, trying to start a conversation.

"I'm Stewie 274, you douche" sighed the Stewie clone.

"Sorry about that buddy" Stewie apologized. "A lot of…wacky stuff going on"

"Yeah" the Stewie clone said, not paying attention.

"Well, you get back to work and keep doing…what you're doing" Stewie said, walking away.

Brian and Stewie stopped walking when they met several different passage ways.

The passageways led to different areas in the world.

Africa, China, Cuba and Alaska were some of the signs up. Both of them walked down the tunnel which read California.

"Wow, you have different tunnels, directly from Quahog to each state in the country" Brian said, astonished.

"Yup, California, here we come". Stewie said, looking ahead at the dark passageway.

As they walked, they met a door, which Stewie opened. Inside of the new room was a small submarine.

"We only need to travel a short distance in this, we hit water every so often that when we dig.

Brian and Stewie climbed aboard the submarine, and submerged under the water. The sub traveled at a moderate speed, passing sea life and going under the ground. After a short distance, the sub resurfaced in another underground tunnel.

A motorcycle was waiting for the two. They hopped on and revved up the engines. They traveled a long distance, stopping at pit stops to get oil from various Stewie clones, waiting for them.

After hours of traveling, they stopped by a tunnel with the words "comfort zone" ingraved in the wall. The two jumped off of the motorcycle and went there to rest.

In the room, there was a magnificent bed that had Stewie's name in gold on the sheets.

"Wow Stewie, this is really cool" Brian said witha smile, happy to rest.

"Don't play coy with me Brian, I know you want a bed too, and I made you on" Stewie added, happily.

"Really, well where is it" Brian asked, excitedly.

Stewie smiled, and pushed a button on a remote that he had found. Brian quickly fell into a part of the floor which had opened in to a cave with Stewie clones.

"Stewie, what the hell is this" Brian yelled in anger.

"This is your room, I didn't have enough space for you in here, because of the big screen TV I just bought" Stewie pointed out. "Night"

The door shut closed, leaving Brian and the clones in darkness.

"So, why are you guys down here" asked Brian.

"We're the clones who are rejects, we don't work right" a Stewie clone explained.

"Oh really, how so" Brian asked, curiously

"It's midnight" shouted one of the Stewie clones.

The clones turned into Gremlins and grew sharp teeth, red eyes and green skin.

In his room, Stewie laid back, took a sip of apple juice from a champagne glass and layed down. Brian's screams grew louder with every passing second.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Brian and Stewie walked to the motorcycle. Stewie was clothed in a pink robe, while Brian and scratch and bite marks across his body.

"So, how was your night buddy" asked Stewie, yawning.

"Piss off" Brian coldly responded.

The two climbed on their motorcycle once again and continued on their journey.

"Hey Brian, can you turn on the radio" Stewie asked from the back of the vehicle

Brian turned a knob on the radio station. Tom Tuckers voice sprang up.

"And among the deceased in the Empire State Building is Zack Effron" Tom Tucker reported. "He was set to star in the movie "Shindler's Lisp". It was a musical movie set during the era of World War II"

"Wow, what a shock, I thought that he would have died from over dosing on designer drugs and dying on a curb" Stewie said

"Tragic" added Brian.

After what seemed to be forever, Stewie and Brian had reached their destination. They jumped off of their motorcycle and ran down the last tunnel that was in front of them. Stewie opened the hatch above them and climbed up.

The two of them looked around. It was empty; everyone must still be in hiding.

"Ok Stewie, we have to find somewhere to rest" Brian said with a tired expression on his face.

Brian looked up and saw a Marriott hotel, which felt out of place in this dusty and dark town that they were in. They were safe, for now.

"We made it, I knew we would, this is even a greater accomplishment than the Pokémon creators finding new ideas" Stewie screamed in delight.

The scene cuts away to an Asian man near a dry-erase board.

"Ok, how about a Pokémon that is shaped like a boot" the Asian man proudly pronounced. "And we could call him booty, I'm sure that the fans would love that"

The other men in the room talk all at once about the idea.

One man looks at the guy standing up and sighs.

"Fine….what will you name this game version"

"Pokémon shit version" the Asian man said.

The scene cuts back to Brian and Stewie walking to the entrance of the hotel.

"Well we should knock, I suppose" Stewie said as he pounded on the door.

Stewie and Brian stood for a while, starring at the door. Stewie then turned around, ready to leave.

"It seem that they're not going to let us in, let's return and tell Master Luke-

In midsentence the door opened to the hotel and slammed against the walls with a bang.

Stewie hid behind Brian, who peered in to the hotel, unable to see anything. They both heard whispers, and cautiously walked in the hotel.

"Hello" called Brian, hoping for a returning answer.

"Are you….one of them…" a voice whispered back.

"One of who" Brian asked.

The lights flickered on and revealed a large group of people huddled in on spot.

"Is it over, are we safe" a man who appeared to be Gary Busey.

"Gary Busey, what the hell are you doing here" Brian asked.

"Well, I was filming an upcoming movie of mine, when there was an attack on the Hollywood sign" Busey explained.

"Are there any rooms that my friend and I can stay at for the time being" Brian wondered.

"The first door to the left" Busey answered.

Brian and Stewie walked to the first door on the left, room B-15. It was a bright, neat room with two separate beds.

"This whole trip was in vain, I can't believe that we traveled all this way to get somewhere safe, and there are attacks in this very state" Brian exclaimed.

"Oh will you relax, I think that this is a nice getaway from the stress at home, it can be quite hectic there" Stewie said.

"It's late, we'd better go to sleep" Brian said, climbing into a bed. "We'll call Lois in the morning"

Stewie jumped into the same bed as Brian, snuggling with him.

"Hey Bri, I think that we should start a new life here, a better one" Stewie imagined.

"I mean just to get away from Quahog for a while and really live a little" he continued.

"In theory that sounds nice, but in reality it's most likely impossible. I mean I don't have a job, so how will we support ourselves" Brian asked.

"Well there are some washed up, old actors staying at this hotel. Maybe we could star in a film, I mean we could give it a shot" Stewie realized.

"We have no training whatsoever, you're still under Lois and Peter's care, and so I can't legally allow you to star in movies without their consent" Brian rationalized.

"You had a part in Die Hard, and you're a writer, I'm sure they know you. And me, well I'm utterly adorable, I'd fit right in with the kid from Home Alone." Stewie responded, hopefully.

"We'll figure it out tomorrow, just go to sleep" Brian said turning out the lights.

Stewie slowly put his hand on Brian's stomach, promptly making Brian remove it. Some time passed, Stewie fell asleep, with Brian staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Son of a bitch Stewie, you peed the bed" Brian screamed, throwing up the sheets.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" Stewie wailed.

"Its fine, we'll move to the other bed" Brian said, exhausted.

They both fell in to a deep sleep, and had no idea what they were doing, or what they would do tomorrow. At least they had each other, another friend to listen to and another ally in this time.


	4. Chapter 4

Brian woke up and stumbled off of the bed. And blinked three times and turned the lights on. Brian picked up the phone on the wall of the hotel room and dialed it.

"Hello" Brian said dryly.

"Brian, where have you been, are you with Stewie, are you guys ok" Lois cried over the phone.

"We're ok, everything's fine here now, how are you" Brian responded, still trying to wake up.

"Brian, listen to me, if you're out, drunk, then I won't be mad, just tell me where you are" Lois screamed.

"We're both in California, we're ok, and we'll be home soon" assured Brian.

"We're going to get you right now" yelled Lois in tears.

"You can't, they've blocked all of the roads around the country, and you can't leave Quahog" Brian went on.

"Then how the hell did you get to California" Lois asked.

"We...uhh" Brian murmured.

As Brian tried to make up an explanation, Stewie shot the phone with a ray gun, causing it to disintegrate in Brian's hand.

"She can't know of my underground establishment, it's too risky, soon I'd have to make it in to a damn tourist attraction filled with shitty gift shops filled with plush toys of my mascot, Melvin the mouse" Stewie sneered.

"Great now Lois is worried sick and we need to pay for a new phone and for the bed sheets" Brain complained.

"Shut up Brian, I thought we would never bring that up again unless you wanted me to bring up the time that you ate Meg's under garments" Stewie slyly reminded.

"I thought there was chocolate smeared on the inside of them" Brian shouted "And say underwear, under garments makes you sound gay"

Stewie shook his head in disgust and was lying back on the bed.

"You're going to make this a long trip aren't you" Stewie asked closing his eyes. "Go get me some cookies, will you"

"Eat my ass Stewie" Brian yelled back, annoyed.

"If I don't get my cookies soon I may consider it" snapped Stewie, glaring at Brian.

Stewie grabbed the remote off of the bed and turned on the TV. The TV turned on to the station of Channel 5 news.

Joyce Kinney bends down, under the news table, in between Tom Tuckers legs.

"Ohhh oh yeah" Tom said with pleasure.

Joyce Kinney raised her head back up, wiped her hands together and sat back in her seat.

"And that was me tying Tom's shoes" Joyce Kinney happily announced.

"That was pleasurable" spoke Tom in a serious tone.

"Back to the ongoing terrorist reports" Joyce started, getting back on topic. "It seems that we are safe after waiting in caution for a week"

"All roads will now be reopened and all civilians can now go back to normal life without any precautions" Tom continued. "Thank Christ because I really need a f*cking break from this news sh*t"

"Want a bl*wjob Tom" Joyce Kinney asked as she got up.

"Sure" Tom shouted with a smile.

The two walked away holding hands.

"Did you hear that Stewie, we can go home" Brian told Stewie as he started for the door.

"Well of course we can, but wouldn't you rather explore California's rich atmosphere for a while" Stewie acknowledged.

"I guess so, but only for a little while, I don't feel like getting caught up with some of the douche bags that are here" admitted Brian.

"Awesome, where do think that we should go first" Stewie exclaimed in excitement.

"It's your idea, where do you want to go" Brian replied.

Stewie picked up a pamphlet and started reading it.

"It seems that we're in L.A. Brian" Stewie noted "Let's go to the Malibu beach"

"Yeah, and we're not too far from it" Brian agreed. "Ok Stewie, we'll go to the beach, make a day out of it"

On the beach, Brian and Stewie walked on the sandy beach watching people run around and enjoy.

"I wonder if there are any hot Californian chicks" Brian smiled.

"No, but there's Owen Wilson" Stewie said with a frown.

"Hey girls, anybody want to see my dirt bike" Owen Wilson said, surrounded by a group of attractive females.

Brian starts to walk up to the group, clearly thinking that he is better than the actor.

"Hey girls, want to listen to some Frank Sinatra" Brian asked, stretching his back.

"Ew, he's old" one girl responded.

"Who's that" another questioned.

Brian raised his hand about to smack the girl, but was stopped by Stewie.

"Easy now man, this generation of kids are stupid anyway" Stewie muttered, prying the angry dog away from the teens.

"You hang out with a baby, what a loser" a blonde girl blurted.

"Ok, you can hit this bitch" Stewie insisted, letting go of Brian's hand.


	5. Chapter 5

As the two friends continued sight-seeing, they stumbled upon a building, that had the words "auditions today" written on the side of it.

"Hey Brian, look at that" Stewie said, pointing to the sign.

"Yeah, so, we're not allowed over there" Brian murmured. "You need an appointment"

Stewie ran towards the building anyway, not listening to Brian's subtle attempt at going back home early.

"Stewie, wait" Brian shouted, running in after him.

Stewie ran inside of the building and stood at a desk.

"Uh, hi, I'm here for the auditions" Stewie puffed to a lady at a desk.

"Aww, aren't you adorable, where's your mommy" the woman asked, not understanding anything Stewie had said.

"At the bottom of a lake, I hope" Stewie hoped.

"Let me go help you find her" the woman laughed, as she walked from the desk to Stewie.

"Damn you, let me have my turn" Stewie demanded.

Brian ran through the door, out of breath.

"Damn it Stewie" Brian gasped for air. "You need to listen"

Brian grabbed Stewie from the lady and set him down.

"You two are just adorable" the lady admired. "Do you want to be auditioned?"

"Come on Brian, It would be fun, we could give a crack at it" insisted Stewie.

"Fine, but after we make asses out of ourselves, we're going straight back to Quahog" lectured Brian.

Brian and Stewie took a small booklet that turned out to be a script for the roles that they were trying out for.

"Hey , this is a musical" Brian exclaimed "But I do feel kind of guilty for taking over Zack Effron's role the day after that he passed away"

"Oh who cares, this'll be great" Stewie added "We've both had some experience in theatre and this would be a great for our résumé".

"Why are you so sure that they're going to take us" Brian doubted.

"Because Brian, I'm a baby, and you're a dog and we can sing" Stewie answered "If that isn't what's going to make ticket sales then I don't know what will"

"So, George Lucas thought that care bears in Star Wars were a good thing, and you see where that got him" Brian commented.

"All the way to the bank is where that got him" Stewie sharply remarked.

"Alright, the director is ready to see you now" a man said, walking the two to a hallway.

Stewie squealed in excitement and followed the woman to a room with three men sitting in front of a long table.

"Show us what you've got" an overweight, German man grunted.

(A karaoke version of Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" plays)

"Start spreading the news,  
I'm leaving today  
I want to be a part of it, L.A., L.A." Brian sang.

We're singing the blues,  
and wanting to stay  
and make a brand new life with it  
L.A., L.A." Stewie continued, not missing a beat.

We want to shine on that red carpet with the stars,  
Sleeping with Megan Fox, driving fast cars  
There's a couple of Jews  
They're not going away  
The hate crimes will always be there,  
In old L.A." Brian went on.

"If we can make it here  
I'll buy you each a beer  
it's up to you, L.A., L.A." Stewie ended

"That was….fantastic, you've got the part" the man congratulated.

"Wait, really, we only changed like 10 words" Brian said, astonished.

"Yes, but you're a baby and a dog" the man loudly expressed. "If you guys won't sell tickets, I don't know what will"

"And you made a cheap Ewok joke" snapped Stewie "Pathetic"

"When do we come back" questioned Brian.

"Saturday, for the first day of shooting" announced the director."And how rude of me, my name is Willie Stroker, but please just call me Willie.

Stewie snickered at the thought of his name.

"Well Mr. Willie, we weren't even told who we play or even what the movie is about" asked Brian.

"It's a war movie, it's about a father who is a captured war hero and a son's attempt to rescue him" Willie answered. "It's a musical, but we're trying to capture the feel of serious plays, like Les Miserables for example"

"Sounds pretty familiar" Brian mused. "What's the title of the film again?"

"Shindler's Lisp" Willie asked.

"It sounds a lot like my book, "Faster than the Speed of Love"" responded Brian.

"Yes but, you sold the movie copyrights to us once you found out that nobody bought your book" replied Willie.

"I didn't right it as a musical, it was a drama" Brian pointed out.

"Yeah, but that seemed gay, so we put a couple of musical numbers to make it a man's movie" Willie exclaimed.

"Fine, with the exeption of a few musical numbers we better be doing this exactly the way that it was written" complained Brian. "I don't want anybody messing with my creation, right Stewie"

"Woah man, if that's your creation and you loved it enough you would have had an abortion" chuckled Stewie.

"Don't worry about it, it will be as true to the book as we can get" Willie said.

"Well ok then, we'll see you on Saturday Mr. Stroker" said Brian as he and Stewie walked out of the room.

Willie then held the book and laughed like a mad scientist.

"That is how we say goodbye in Germany" he spoke, before falling asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

In their hotel, Stewie and Brian went over their lines.

"Wow Stewie, this script is really true to my book, I'm impressed." Brian exclaimed, proud of his work.

"I wouldn't be so happy about that." Stewie rebutted "I mean you failed to sell a single copy of that book."

"It must have been half decent." Brian pointed out "They're making a movie out of it, so odds are they liked it."

"Brian, they're only making it out of a small hope that it will succeed, they make movies of everything nowadays." Stewie said "They made a reboot to the old sitcom 'Leave it To Beaver'."

"Really?" Brian asked, surprised.

"Oh yeah, but they have to be culturally relevant, so now it's a gay version called "Leave it, it's Beaver."

The scene cuts to Brian and Stewie, a few days later, in another building, this one is much larger than the building that held the auditions.

"Hey Mr. Willie!" hailed Brian

"Hello Brian, we're just about ready to shoot." Willie responded.

"Where did you say we were shooting again?" inquired Brian.

"Right here, the whole film is in blue screen." Willie answered, pointing all around them.

"Uh huh, well my book didn't need any major special effects to take place." Brian vocalized, seeming upset.

"We've changed some small things, and we'll need blue screen for every single shot in the movie." Willie said, walking towards a camera. "Alright you two, Brian's just gotten shot by you, Stewie and you are comforting him."

Two stagehands poured pig blood on Brian to simulate him being shot.

"Wait a minute, why would he comfort me after shooting me?" asked Brian.

"It's a small change, don't even worry about it." Willie answered "Just improvise."

"That doesn't make any sense." moaned Brian, rolling his eyes.

"Quiet on set!"

"Buck, if I don't make it through this, you have to take care of Marion's baby." Brian worded, making it up as he went along.

"No Steve, I can't leave you here." Stewie responded, confused on what to say.

Stewie then grabbed Brian and threw him on top of his back.

"Alright and….cut" Willie shouted. "Great performance you two, great performance"

Brian got off Stewie's back and they walked towards Willie.

"So when will the special effects be placed in the film?" Brian wondered.

"They already have been, here, take a look." Willie said, as he turned the camera, facing Brian and Stewie.

On the camera Stewie and Brian were acting as solider appeared behind them, fighting a giant robot Hitler. As Stewie hauled Brian on his back, a clown ran behind them and kicked a soldier in the leg. Once the camera shut off, Brian and Stewie's faces were both frozen in shock.

"What the f**k was that" Stewie gasped, still staring at the screen.

"Yeah, listen, Mr. Willie that was nothing like the script that you gave us or anything like my book!" Brian screamed. "It didn't even make any sense to what Stewie and I were doing."

"But it was hilarious!" Willie laughed.

"You're not getting what I'm going at here, I don't like it" Brian shouted.

"That isn't up to you, is it now?" Willie replied. "Don't worry about it though; you're really going to like the next part."

"Bring in the two gay guys!" a producer shouted.

Two gay men, both with brown hair, laid on the same spot that Stewie and Brian had acted on.

"Alright guys, do your thing." Willie requested.

Brian and Stewie watched as the two gay guys had sex.

"Brian, Brian, I think I'm gonna-" Stewie cried as he threw up all over the place.

"Tell me that we got the baby throwing up on camera!" the producer exclaimed.

"We got it, we got it." Willie nodded.

"They're so gay that I think I can here they're sperm talking." Brian groaned.

"Hey, you know where we are going?" one sperm questioned.

"No, I can't see past all of this crap." the other sperm shouted back.

"Ew!" Stewie cried again, throwing up once more.

"That's it, we quit Mr. Willie!" Brian snapped.

"Oh no boys, you can't quit, you'll never be hired in this business again." Willie snorted.

"We aren't actors to begin with, now we're leaving!" Brian yelled, turning his back and walking out.

"Oh, Olaf." Willie commanded as a hulking man blocked the entrance. "We can do this the hard way, or the easy way Brian, your choice."

Brian gave him a nasty look and returned to the stage.

"Alright, good, see how we can all be friends." Willie smiled "Places please."

After a long, long day of filming, Brian and Stewie were allowed to leave.

"Good, thank you for finishing your parts boys, the movie is set to release in the Summer, so I'll see you at the premier." Willie sneered as he closed the door.

"We made a mockery of ourselves, and I destroyed my already failing book." Brian whined.

"Hey, hey don't be like that." Stewie comforted.

"No, I can't believe that I'm this much of a failure, I've lost both my book and my dignity." sniffled Brian.

Stewie looked at Brian, wanting to cry for him.

"You know what, wait here Brian." Stewie told, as he ran back in to the building.

Brian sat on the curb sulking and sighed.

It wasn't too long before Stewie returned and walked to the hotel with Brian.

"Ready to go home?" Brian glumly asked.

"Yup." responded Stewie in an equally disappointed manner.

It was days before the two got home and when they did they were both greeted by the entire Griffin family.

"Brian, Stewie!" Lois screamed as she hugged the two. "We were so worried."

"Hey buddy!" Peter said as he patted Brian on the head.

"What were you guys doing?" Lois questioned.

"Nothing, I was just spending some quality time with Stewie" Brian answered, smiling at the one year old.

"We're just glad that you're both safe." Lois bubbled.

In the summer, the Griffin's decided to go to the movies and saw "Shindler's Lisp".

"I can't believe that you two got to star in a movie!" Peter yipped as the family sat down in the seat.

"Now don't be disappointed with us, this movie is a bit tasteless." warned Brian.

The movie started with a scene of Brian holding Stewie as a bullets were flying around them.

Brian's voice, which was used as a narrator for the movie started to speak.

"Some call it stupid, some call it blind, I call it love." Brian's voice echoed through the theatre.

After about an hour, the ending scene came up. It was of Stewie and Mr. Willie talking.

"What the hell, I don't remember this part." Brian observed, looking at the screen sheepishly.

On the theatre screen Stewie punches Willie in the face, snaps his neck and starts beating him with a stage light.

Brian smiles with every punch Stewie delivers to the director's face.

"Stewie, you did that for me?" Brian thanked as he walked the bloodied man fall after getting shot by Stewie.

"Yes, and because he kept calling me Stevie." Stewie noted.

"Thank you." Brian said as he hugged his friend.

The scene cuts to the Family Guy credits on a still picture of Brian and Stewie hugging to the theme of the Golden Girls.

**[Thank you everyone who for reading and reviewing "Road to California, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.]**


End file.
